


Hematite

by icylook



Series: Hematite [1]
Category: Noblesse (Manhwa)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 18:33:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19447168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icylook/pseuds/icylook
Summary: He feels like he extended his existence to actual living.





	1. Change

Raizel appreciates beauty.

People, objects, places - there are details he finds beautiful, details which make the one he looks at _worth_ looking. Marveling at the subtle lines or shades of colours or impression of texture.

He could gaze at something for hours and still discover new angle, new light to be seen in a different manner.

Sometimes, he got lost in his inner musings, looking distant to the outside world.

Usually, Frankenstein would be the one who would gently shake Raizel out of his enthralled moment. But he learnt to shake the lethargy himself, step by step, and being surrounded by people, so full of energy, so full of life demanded of him to pay attention to _now_ , to actions taking place at the minute.

Raizel finds it refreshing.

He is able to savor the fleeting moment, taking quiet delight in his little, but so fascinating observations. He feels like he extended his existence to actual living.

Days don’t blend into years here. The silence isn’t as oppressive, it’s peaceful. He is still respected, but he isn’t left alone because of it. Raizel understands that it had to be like that, in the past. But he finds it nice, when the distance does not suffocate him anymore. That he doesn’t have to only be an observer in others lives, that he can take active part in them. Intertwine his existence with theirs, make it meaningful and impossible to erase. He woke up thanks to Frankenstein crashing into his life so long ago (and even for him that time was like a longer blink) and discovered he wanted more.

That he could _have_ more.

He is still learning about the world he lives in, and he is grateful for the guidance from people around him. He is amazed by their kindness and trust and cherishes them even more.

Raizel knows he isn’t the easiest to communicate with, though.

He tries to express himself beyond the inner bond he established so many years ago with his loyal, human companion.

And he took an interest.

First, it was a curiosity. Because the being he helped to be awoken properly had the rare, strong will to survive. Despite being ready to lay its, _his_ , own life _to protect._

The spark of interest appeared then and Raizel used a drop of his essence to help push the man with hard and simultaneously gentle silver eyes to discover his potential.

The rest just happened.

The silver in the texture of his hair changes in the wind, when the strands flutter around freely, sometimes obscuring the eyes of the colour of mercury. They truly hold the open gates to his soul or Raizel learnt to read them so well. On seemingly stoic face they are the fathomless pools of emotions. He finds those eyes stunning, as well as the shade of hair and other essential details of the man he found studying more and more.

Enticing.

Raizel likes looking at the small things which pull him, _M21_ , together. He finds them captivating and he can stare for long time, if he can do it undisturbed. Though, he learns to avoid taking too much time with _staring_ for too long, as it is rude and could make _him_ uncomfortable.

Like during soft, intimate contact Raizel took an accidental, but still uninvited glance at the memories, buried deep down in the darkest shadows of M’s mind and was burdened with a knowledge.

A glimpse of M’s past, of things good and bad, now unforgettable for Raizel, because Noblesse’s memory is a blessing and a curse.

It lasted a second, but he saw too much and his hand faltered in mid-caress of the silvery strands. Thankfully M didn’t notice anything amiss, distracted by Raizel’s fingers tenderly stroking his hair. Briefly, Raizel wondered, if he should bring it up. But he is selfish and doesn’t want to break the moment and he couldn’t possibly blurt out what he now is aware of.

Of bits and pieces M doesn’t have memory of.

Would M’s eyes widen upon hearing it? Would the silver change into stormy grey or into shocked pearly? Dull ash? Or confused, but still familiar silver. That one word, one _name_ , spoken out loud could change everything and nothing.

He would have to explain and he feels he wouldn’t have the proper opportunity for it. The words would fail him when he would need them the most, as the silence was his most natural language from _forever_ ,

_Had it always been like that?_

but he tries to change it and he chooses to focus on the _now_ , storing the thought for later.

The ceaseless feeling of guilt fleeting, but still lingering patiently.


	2. Tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta read, all mistakes are of my own ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

“I asked Frankenstein to teach me how to make tea.”

Raizel is sitting at the pristine marble counter, his posture straight and proper as always, hands folded neatly in his lap. His usual white dress shirt is unbuttoned, the elegant line of his neck on display, the hollow of his throat and delicate looking collarbones peeking from under the opened material.

Few shorter strands of his black hair keep getting into his eyes, thanks to the cool breeze coming from slightly open window. Raizel doesn't really mind, as the wind smells like lavender growing under the windows.

It was Frankenstein's idea, a garden full of easy to take care of plants.

Something Raizel could look at, and maybe even get interested in.

He did, though he limited himself to gently touching the plants with his aura when they seemed to start withering. They kept growing better than ever, on which Frankenstein commented, a knowledgeable glimmer in his gaze, thought Raizel started feeling a peculiar need to plunge his hands into the soil and begin to work with it. His loyal friend subtly suggested Raizel would get dirt on his fingers, and maybe clothes too, but he would experience the joy of putting an effort and seeing the satisfying effect.

Raizel found something to consider, then.

He brushes the hair out of his eyes and looks at M, who is in the middle of preparing a pot of tea.

“It should be ready in few minutes,” M mumbles, gaze cast downward, restlessly focusing on the tea leaves, slowly unfurling in the hot water. He looks briefly at Raizel, his cheeks pinking when their eyes meet. Raizel nods slightly in acknowledgment, glancing at M's hands, fingers of one hand curled around spoon, pads of the second beating to the faint rhythm on the shiny counter.

They are silent, quietly waiting for the tea to brew. M shifts few times on spot, dutifully checking the pot and when he deems the drink ready, he turns to the cabins in search of the porcelain tea cups, which Frankenstein usually prepares.

Raizel delicately clears his throat.

“Take two,” at M's glance over his shoulder he clarifies with a small smile, “I wish to share it with you.” A visible silver eye widens slightly in surprise, but M nods swiftly with a quick grin, before he's back on his hunt.

Raizel wandered into the kitchen, when he heard someone going about in the room. He was aware it was M, but he still was confused, when he saw what the man was doing. He stopped in the doorway, quietly observing M inspecting small ceramic jars with labels, smelling the contents and deftly picking out choosen ingredients. Raizel didn't want to disturb M's concentration, as the man seemed hard at work. The Noblesse saw as M patiently waited for the water to boil to the right temperature, glancing at the kettle from time to time. He prepared the pot and leaves - he measured them with care, long fingers carefully holding a small spoon. A delicate wrinkle appeared between M's grey brows, when he focused on the task, one hand sweeping silver strands out of his eyes, absentmindedly tucking the hair behind his ear.

Corners of Raizel's lips quirked up at the sight and he made a step inside. M startled, looking up at him, though the spoon he held didn't waver and not one leaf fell down on the marble counter. The taken aback expression promptly morphed into a sheepish one, like M was caught doing something forbidden.

Raizel readjusts himself on the tall chair he's sitting on, letting his back curve slightly forward, when he brings one of his elbows to rest on the counter. He props his chin on his hand and allows himself to watch the play of the fabric of M's shirt on his back, when he's nearly getting on his tip toes to peek onto the shelves, with arms up.

Raizel spots the tea cups few longer moments before M does, but he stays silent, shamelessly enjoying the view, when M bends over to check the lower cabins. The dark material of M's trousers stretching out on his bottom deliciously.

His eyes narrow, the blood red of them darkening, when a fleeting urge to _touch_ appears. Raizel shifts again on his seat, when M turns to him, two cups and saucers in hands. M puts the porcelain down on the counter and carefully pours the tea. Then he gently pushes the saucer towards Raizel, mindful of faintly sloshing liquid in the cup.

Raizel waits for M to sit beside him with his tea and uncurls the hand from under his chin to grasp at the delicate handle.

He's aware of M's eyes on him when he looks at the amber drink, fingers holding the cup with natural elegance. He hears a quiet hitch of M's breath when he takes a sip of the tea. Raizel closes his eyes briefly, letting the drink warm his throat, and wordlessly looks back at M, silver eyes bright and hopeful. M's biting his lower lip in anticipation and it makes Raizel to deliberately wet his own lips, tip of his tongue slowly following the taste of the drink. M's gaze snaps to Raizel's mouth and he visibly swallows before he speaks.

“How is it?” M's trying to act casually, though Raizel easily recognizes a bit of worry. There's a hint of something else, too. Something Raizel intends to explore in a _very_ short time.

With a soft _clink_ of porcelain he puts the cup down.

“It's acceptable.”

It wasn't that the tea M prepared lacked anything, no. He was just used to the way Frankenstein made his tea. Different blend, different serving. Before he has the chance to voice his thoughts further on the subject, M's shoulders slump.

“I promise I'll do better next time, if you let me try again.”

There's a particular mix of hope and surrender in M's voice, like he doesn't really believe in second chance, but is still longing for it. For a moment, Raizel sees _red, red eyes looking at him with poorly hidden anticipation when he tastes the tea the other brewed for him_

_then_

_long auburn hair tangled, strands plastered to pale face covered in bloody streaks, tears running down in messy rivulets and he hurts seeing that, feeling the despair radiating from the other, spikes of ice making him numb in anguish_

_then_

_a sorrowful words of_ “I just wanted **you** to see me” _delivered with a bitter laugh which turns into violent cough and_

_then_

_he's asked for forgiveness and of course he forgives the other, he can't do anything else even if he wants to stop the process, the pain, to revert it, but he's the Noblesse and he can only watch the red spilling and the ashes to be picked up by the wind, scatter until they come back to him and he has to take them **in** , like so many others, because it's his role and he's **made** to do this, even if he wishes to-_

Raizel blinks, the fog of a memory dissolving, when he feels a gentle touch on his hand, M's fingers covering his lightly. Silver eyes are peering up at him, concerned.

“Are you alright?” And he’s suddenly warm, and _grateful._

He flips his palm up to intertwine their fingers, before he brings their hands up to leave a kiss at the inside of M's wrist. He feels the warmth and spike in M's pulse under his lips, and he smiles when he tugs at the hand in his grasp, making M lean forward, get up from his seat and Raizel sees the silver of M's eyes changing into cloudy grey, before M makes a low noise deep in his throat.

He lets M to push him back, allows himself to be trapped between M's body and hard edges of the counter, permits M to crowd his space and lets out a sigh, when there's a hand on his jaw holding him in place, other gripping the material of his shirt on his waist, silver gaze piercing, M's lips on his hot, _hotter_ , because of the tea, insistent and hungry.

The desire pours in waves and he feels it mingling with his own, when there's a sting of teeth on his lower lip and a quick lick to soothe the nip, and Raizel opens his mouth to let the kiss deepen, indulging in abrupt, burning need to be close, _closer_ and _wanted._

Is it M?

Is it _him_?

He doesn't care at the moment, not when M leans back for air, lips so lusciously tempting, pink blush on his cheeks, silver eyes bright and open in slightly frienzied greed. M's thumb pressing on Raizel's lip and he leans into the touch, as he feels no need to hide his own yearning, and it has to show on his face somehow, because M's eyes narrow before he lungs back to devour Raizel's mouth with a smirk, kissing, nipping, M's hand in Raizel's hair, pulling his head to the side before he starts trailing quick kisses down his throat. Raizel obliges with a soft sigh, his arms around M's waist, fingers gripping the back of M's shirt.

He gasps when M's thigh sneaks in between his legs, pushing their hips flush, and simultaneously nips at his collarbone, sucking and working on leaving a bruise.

Raizel's hands are searching for a purchase, gripping at M's back, tightly, through the sweet pain of sharp teeth grazing the skin, the hand in black hair pulling at the strands a bit harder when Raizel grinds on M's thigh, selfishly chasing the delightful friction and the hot sparks appearing in his belly. There's a low moan coming from M and an answering push of his hips, letting go of Raizel's hair, his own silver strands tickling the skin of Raizel's sensitive neck, before M leans back.

He looks both pleased and still thirsty, glancing up at Raizel, then back at the bruised collarbone, wetting his lips and biting on them slightly before he opens his mouth to say something.

Someone pointedly clears their throat, and M stiffens slightly before he whips his head to stare at the person in the doorway.

Frankenstein.

M doesn't let go of Raizel's waist, though he backs out from between Raizel's legs, standing close. His blush doesn't even deepen. There isn't a bit of embarrassment in his aura, something, still as in a haze, Raizel finds interesting.

More like... _frustration?_

Frankenstein's posture radiates amusement, arms crossed at his chest, blue eyes sparkling. Raizel sees a hint of a smirk and, thanks to their connection, he's feeling a pure mirth with a hint of disappointment at the lack of M sputtering and attempting to hide.

Raizel catches Frankenstein's gaze and sends him a slightly reprimanding look. Frankenstein takes a hint and lets the impish smile grow for a second, before he schools his expression to polite interest.

“I wanted to inform you, that the children are on their way,” he pauses as he sends Raizel a knowing look. “It'll be better to not allow them to walk on you, yes?” Frankenstein grimaces slightly, “After all, kitchen is the first room they explore _thoroughly_.”

He glances at them before he turns away with a nod. “I'll keep them occupied until you're ready to leave the room.”

M snorts before he steps away from Raizel and combs his grey strands with fingers.

“He's right. We should make ourself more presentable, before we meet with them.” M brings his hand up to fix the collar of Raizel's shirt, eyes focused on the slowly fading mark on Raizel's skin. A flicker of annoyance crossing his face, starting a bit when Raizel's fingers curl at his wrist, and he’s pressing light kisses to his palm.

Raizel lets a private smile appear on his lips, seeing M's shoulders loose some of the tension.

“There's always later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You could notice that the rating changed - it's for the future, because there's chemistry with these two I'd like to explore.
> 
> Chapter exists thanks to small (but how big) suggestion of a friend on discord (hi @mutt--butt at tumblr), who said "kitchen", among other things. And I clinged to it like M to Raizel's collarbone °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°


	3. Euphoria - nsfw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating goes up, enjoy the steam of the bath :>
> 
> No beta-read, if there are any terrible mistakes, let me know.

The water is pleasant, not too hot and not too lukewarm. A perfect balance in between, as higher temperatures tend to make him sleepy. It can be dangerous, especially in the bath.

The fluffy white foam is smelling like lotus and roses. Frankenstein made sure to leave near all necessary things for Raizel's bath. His favourite products for hair and body care, washing cloth, fluffy white towels, and naturally, a fresh change of clothes. He also left a small basket, not elaborating much about the contents of it, and Raizel didn't bother to look. Frankenstein just put it on a stand near Raizel's tub, _“For further relaxation”_ , his smile was small, but evidently impish, and he left the room with a quiet _“Enjoy your bath”_ over his shoulder.

Raizel didn't even have a chance to protest, or more like to object about being served this time, as he was able to run the bath himself. He was used to it by now, as doing so seemed important for Frankenstein, and he didn't want to offend him - he wouldn't want to make him think he wasn't, _isn't_ , needed.

After all, Frankenstein's intentions were honest, and it brought him professional satisfaction of doing well. Raizel could feel the joyous simmer in their bond, whenever Frankenstein completed the task he was sure Raizel would approve of. No one would guess the man like Frankenstein would actually _like_ serving the other. Raizel was well aware how others saw Frankenstein, so he had no illusions how shocking the little truth would be for them. Someone so proud and self-confident as a servant, taking pride in being an attendant? Impossible.

And here they were, Frankenstein trying to make Raizel's life more comfortable, because he thought he deserves it, and Raizel, with his silent approval and quiet support whenever Frankenstein needed it.

Now, he's simply soaking in the water, taking advantage of a moment of peace and simple bliss. He feels his body relaxing, the gentle cradle of foam smooth against his skin. Raizel lets out a content sigh, eyes closing briefly, just lying there.

Then, he scoops up some of the foam in his hands and brings the bubbles to his face, for closer inspection. A curious sniff transforms into a soft sneeze, as some of the foam tickled his nose, the floral scent of it too strong this close by. He scrunches up his nose delicately, trying to get rid of the slightly itchy sensation. After he's sure he won't be sneezing anymore, he reaches for the washing cloth, left on the edge of the tub. His hands go under the bubbles to wet the cloth properly before he starts to rub it slowly over the skin on his shoulders.

The knocking isn't loud, but it's hard to miss it in the silence.

He would startle, if he wouldn't already be aware of someone at the other side of the doors, hovering there long before _he_ decided to make _his_ presence known.

Corners of Raizel's lips twitch up at the slightly nervous vibe he gets from the other. He never really can turn off the aura recognition, always conscious of the spectrum of emotions the souls surrounding him give away. At this point he learnt to tone it down to a soft buzz in the back of his mind.

He blinks lazily at the man entering the room, after he gave a quiet permission to come in.

M lets himself in, easily slipping into the narrow opening, as to not let out the warmth of the bath, and not let anyone outside have a peek at the inside. The door after him close fast, M's eyes darting around the bathroom, before they settle on Raizel's form in the tub. Raizel's watching M with his usual calm interest, though he can't deny the sudden appearance of excited curiosity. It curls low in his stomach, making him feeling warmer than the bath did so far.

The most of his body is hidden by the foam and the tub, only his shoulders and head are visible properly. M's smile is fond, as silver eyes look over Raizel.

He hesitates briefly and Raizel tilts his head slightly to the side, blood red eyes darkening and he hears a slight hitch in M's breath, and he's familiar with M's reactions by heart. Raizel can nearly taste the flash of pleased thrill rolling out of M, the subtle tendrils of his aura reaching towards him greedily, without M's awareness.

M steps closer, fidgeting a bit when he stops before the tub. He's wearing his uniform dark grey slacks and white shirt, sleeves rolled neatly at the elbows. Waiting for a permission and Raizel nods, then watches him for a moment, as M makes himself comfortable, sitting at the edge of the tub. Then, he reaches for the shampoo Raizel usually uses and deftly pours the right amount of the product from the bottle on his hand, patiently waiting for Raizel to submerge under the foam to wet his hair.

And Raizel does, sliding down until his back is flat on the tub floor, blood red eyes closed, any sounds distorted and muted, his breath on hold, taking extra time to let his hair soak thoroughly.

He feels a sliver of worry coming from M and he surfaces, the foam clinging to his face and hair before it slips away with water, the rivulets drawing temporary sparkling paths on his pale skin, coming down and disappearing in the bubbles. M clears his throat and Raizel looks at him, tiny droplets of water hanging on his eyelashes and smiles, making the slight blush on M's cheeks deepen.

M answers with his own tender smile and he shifts closer to Raizel's hair and Raizel readily tips his head into M's hold.

There's a pleasant shiver running along his spine, as M's fingers make a nice work on his scalp. Delicate scratches following forceful ones, and back to gentle, enough to lather the shampoo on his hair properly.

At some point M brings his hand to shield Raizel's eyes from the foam, when he rinses the water from the black strands and Raizel's smiling softly, his eyelashes tickling M's palm.

He lets M to steer his head this way or that, following gentle nudges when M wants to cover the whole lentgth of his hair with conditioner.

At some point, he lets out a small pleased noise, because he likes how M taking care of his hair feels, and how peaceful his aura is.

Careful and considerate at the at the same time.

M's hands seem to falter for a moment and Raizel glances at the man, and finds him mildly flustered.

In his haste to put out the conditioner's bottle on it's right place, M miscalculates and his hand slips, making him lose balance on the edge of the tub. He falls forward, nearly colliding with Raizel and with a loud _splash_ hits his shoulder on the other wall of the tub, submerging for a moment under the water and foam. One of his legs dangles outside the tub, M flailing around for a moment, before he sputters the water and blinks out the foam from his eyes, silver hair unavoidably damp and plastered to his face. Raizel finds M's expression adorable, as M's eyes widen in embarrassed fluster and the colour on his cheeks is one of the deepest pink Raizel saw outside of the bedroom.

M attempts to sit up properly and fails, as the leg outside the tub, the not wet _yet_ , makes him stop with a huff, indecision clear on his face. Raizel feels a mirthful bubble of laughter growing in his throat and he lets out a quiet chuckle.

M's eyes snap to him in a second, momentarily surprised.

He stares at Raizel for a second longer, before he snorts at his situation and he carefully manevours his body to properly fit _into_ the tub, some of his natural agility coming back to him. At this point, most of his awkwardness seems to be gone, and Raizel is glad.

He doesn't hide the way he looks how the wet clothes are clinging to M's body, the visible white shirt damp and lovely transparent.

He's ogling M shamelessly and leans forward, letting his intentions be clear, as he makes eye contact with M, and notices the silver in his eyes darken. There's an answering, sudden hunger in M's gaze, as Raizel brings his hand to M's arm, fingers slowly curling on the rolled up material of M's sleeve, touching the skin under it and going _up,_ as far as the damp, clingy fabric allows it.

It seems to be enough to break M out of a daze as the man moves, fluidly getting on his knees. The hard floor of the tub seems to not bother him as he narrows his eyes and moves closer to Raizel, water sloshing between them, in danger of spilling out. Not that Raizel cares about the growing puddle on the bathroom's floor - at the moment he's focusing on the details of apparently see-through shirt, how it's plastered to M's chest and reaches to brush his thumb over a perked nipple.

There's a quiet hiss coming from M before his hands are in Raizel's hair, and Raizel's lap is full of M, as the man crashes their lips in a bruising kiss, hastily straddling him.

One of Raizel's arm sneaks around M's waist, holding onto him tightly, as he answers the kiss with fervor. He gently nips at M's lip, as he slips his other hand in between their bodies, and starts working at opening the buttons of M's shirt. M moans lowly into Raizel's mouth, as he splays his fingers directly on M's chest, his hand nimbly moving to M's back, scratching on purpose, making M shiver and grind against him. Raizel smirks into the kiss and M's leaning back, breathing hard, pupils blown wide, lips so very pink and slick.

The wet shirt rolls and clings to M's body stubbornly, when Raizel _finally_ opens the last button and tries to get it off with one hand. It sticks to M's shoulder and the man huffs in amusement, before he helps Raziel with pulling it off and throwing it off to the floor with a wet _smack_.

As soon as M's skin is fully on display, Raizel's quick to plant kisses underneath M's jaw, moving along M's neck and then latches on collarbone, meticulously sucking at the spot.

M's fingers are back in Raizel's hair, pulling at the wet black strands and he gasps, as he feels Raizel's tongue soothing the sensitive mark on his skin.

Raizel nearly purrs when he sees the bruise slowly forming and is back to kissing M's delectable mouth, hot and pliant. M's writhing in his lap, impatient in his growing excitement, one Raizel shares at the moment. He holds onto M's hips, hands on wet dark grey slacks, one palm kneading a firm cheek.

He could easily tear the fabric down, though, he knows M wouldn't approve of it. At the same time, he's reluctant to let M leave the spot on Raizel's thighs, as he fits on them deliciously well. He let's M to rub his clothed butt over him, as he kisses him, M's arousal spiking, when he _literally_ feels what effect he has on Raizel.

Raizel finds himself moaning quietly, when they finally break apart, M panting with silver eyes glazed over.

Flushed face and parted lips are enough for him to make an abrupt decision, and he moves _up_ , swiftly and gracefully, his arms full of M.

M has only a second to hold on with a muffled yelp, as he's held up and backed into the wall, like he doesn't weight more than a feather.

His legs instinctively locked around Raizel's waist, Raizel's arms supporting them under his knees, as his hips meet M's in a slow sensual grind _one, two_ times, Raizel's teeth latched onto M's neck and he tilts his head back to make more room for searing nips, and then Raizel slowly pulls back, gently lowering M's legs into the water, until M's feet hit the tub floor.

M leans back on the wall, holding Raizel's shoulder with one hand and watches as the man get's to his knees, remains of the puffy white foam swirling around him.

“Yes?” Raizel asks, his hands on M's waist, _moving_ , long fingers caressing skin above M's pants, looking at him with a sizzling desire, and he shudders, nods with a breathy _“Yes”_ , and Raizel's quick to open the slacks, rolling them down swiftly and tossing them on the floor, like he did with the shirt.

Blood red eyes darken at the lack of underwear and M smirks as soon as their eyes make contact, though he quickly lets go of the smile and chokes out a groan, when Raizel ducks down to kiss and nip at the inside of his thigh. M's hand holds on Raizel's shoulder for support, as he leans forward, teeth catching his lower lip to stop a sudden shout as Raizel's lips close on him without a warning, making M feel a rapid hot rush of pleasure along his spine. M's palm clenches in Raizel's hair, holding on, as the man works him _tortuously_ slow. He pushes his hips into the heat of Raizel's mouth, but there's a grip on his hip, holding him in place, as Raizel continues to tease him, and he whines at a particularly well timed suck, and gets dangerously _close_ , his sight blurring.

Raizel's looking up at M, shorter strands of black hair obscuring his burning red eyes, and with slightly shaking hand M pulls the hair back, to better see Raizel's face, sharp cheekbones and pale skin pinked, reddened lips stretched around his length.

He can't move, Raizel's arm holding him, so he just takes it and thinks _a little more of this_ and he'll come, and he gasps in distress, when suddenly the warmth and delicious wetness are gone, and he wants to chase it but he still _can't move-_

But Raizel stands up, kissing him again and he goes with it willingly, sighs into it, arms around Raizel's shoulders, holding him close, _closer_ , rubbing their hips with urgency.

He's allowed a moment of fleeting bliss, then M reaches between them to curl his fingers around Raizel and strokes, making him let out a grunt, hips snapping _up_ into his touch and M smirks with satisfaction, until one of Raizel's hands is on M's waist _again_ , holding him still, when the other hand appears between the wall and M's back, sneaking lower, until there are fingers pressing on his entrance. Raizel's lips are kissing his earlobe, teeth grazing the sensitive skin behind it, “Yes?”, and M trembles at the question and gentle stroke and a light _push_.

There's a hand on Raizel's jaw and M's kiss is full of teeth, as he nibbles on Raizel's lips, before he leans back, enough to gaze at him, eyes half lidded, the pink blush from his face spilling down, _down_ , along his throat, reaching his chest.

He nods in silent agreement, tongue licking his lower lip slowly, teeth catching it, “But we can't without-”

Raizel hums a _“Yes, can't,”_ before he steps back from M, and he visibly falters, following, confused at Raizel's action, until he sees what Raizel reaches for.

They're standing in lukewarm water now, though they don't mind it with how warm, hot, both of them are running.

Raizel holds a basket and M peeks into, it curious.

“Frankenstein left it,” there's a hint of amusement in Raizel voice and M snorts, “Of course he did”, before he reaches into the basket and takes a small bottle, opens the cap, squeezing the liquid onto Raizel's waiting fingers.

Raizel kisses M's blushing cheek, hand gentle on his waist, as he nudges him to turn around, M reaching back to place one hand Raizel's hip just to ground himself better at the contact.

Naturally, he takes the opportunity to tease M a bit, unhurriedly pressing a finger _in_ , listening to the quiet noises M's making. He takes his time with preparing M and leaving kisses on M's shoulder and neck, M making his pleasure known with the way his body moves under Raizel's hands.

When M starts to push back into Raizel's touches, impatient with murmurs of _“Hurry up”_ , gingerly reaching back and blindly guiding Raizel's length into him. It's only a moment, when he's carefully thrusting into the tight heat, M's hiss turning into a lascivious groan, as he suddenly presses _back_ , resting his weight on his chest pressed to the wall, both of his hands reaching back, holding onto what he can reach of Raizel's body. His fingers nearly claw at Raizel's skin, leaving rapidly fading red marks on his hips and he _grinds_ , snapping Raizel's attention to the way they _perfectly_ fit together at the moment.

Raizel sighs and licks at M's nape, then bites hard enough for M to whine, but not to break skin and he starts to move, _slowly_ , just to sweetly torment M and bask in the blissful feel of him, before M's writhing and panting is enough to make him speed up.

M's moans are a bit louder mixing with Raizel's quiet pants when he picks up a pace and adjusts his grip on M's waist, one of M's hands going down to touch himself, the other plastered on the wall, scratching the surface with blunt nails.

Soon, Raizel's arm is wrapped around M's chest, as the man's heavily leaning back on him, seeking contact, thirsty for the feeling of Raizel's body working against his,  relishing  in such intimate embrace.

He puts a bit more force in his next thrust and it makes M choke out a groan, and uses it as a distraction to nudge M's thighs wider apart and get a hold of one of his legs, lifting it up, secure in his grip.

The sudden change of the angle makes M see stars and he opens his mouth in a silent scream, back arching and selfishly chasing the blissful, euphoric feeling of his release.

Raizel comes soon after M, the bleed over of M's aura and his _feelings_ and _pleasure_ making him fall over the edge, adding to his own satisfaction. 

He stills and lets M slump back onto him further, holding him without a problem, as both of them are catching their breaths. 

They stand there for a moment, and Raizel nuzzles M's neck when the man moves away, and turns around with a lazy smile. He catches a strand of Raizel's hair, tucking it behind his ear, “I think we need a fresh bath, this one's cold and filthy” he rasps with a smirk, as he sneaks his arms around Raizel's shoulders, “And then move to the bed,” M murmurs into Raizel's skin, holding tightly and openly scenting Raizel's throat. 

Raizel chuckles quietly, affectionately pressing into the embrace. “I approve of your plan, my dear.”

The perks of private bathroom beside his bedroom are priceless, just like the man in his arms is, Raizel thinks in passing.


	4. Heartache - slight nsfw

During his long existence Raizel steadily experienced various states of emotions. Delight, grief, pride, wonder, hopelessness, satisfaction, regret. When he felt them, they always seemed to hit him at full strength, leaving him breathless and struggling until they mercifully relented, like retreating ocean waves that were losing their power.

The longer he stayed in the company of others, be it nobles, werewolves, humans, Raizel recognized more of the emotional spectrum. There were the times when feelings blended with each other, sometimes he couldn't name them as one straight away. Emotions collided with his perpetual melancholy, with his design to stay _neutral_ , a judge and an executor. They made him open his eyes for so much more of the chaos called life, see beyond the walls of a prison of his own making. He had to learn how to harness them and not let them rule his existence, his life. Control was always something he was best at.

What Raizel is sensing now is new. A sudden chill heating his veins upon seeing a simple thing, something that _shouldn't_ upset him as much as it does at the moment. It hits him, when he emerges into the courtyard, straight from Frankenstein's office, done with the noon tea break. Raizel's steps falter and make him pause, as his focus sharpens onto M, speaking or more likely listening to two girls standing beside him. Students, easily recognized by the white uniforms of the school, one of them a blushing mess, but still bold enough to keep an eye contact with M, the second one looking like a moral support than an active participator of the one sided conversation. Raizel observes as the girl gives M something wrapped in small paper bag. Sweet bread, Raizel thinks as he recognizes the package. He was sure to stock up on the treat, along his favourite ramen, as he learnt M favours the brand. And now he's watching as M doesn't hesitate, when he takes it from her hands and her happy smile nearly splits her face. M nods slightly, absentmindedly catching stray silver strands behind his ear, not noticing the startstruck expression on girl's face, then turns around and continues his patrol.

M briefly glances at the packet in his hand and a tiny pleased smile quirks up his lips, as he recognizes the flavour. Raizel knows by now it's his favourite, given the reaction. Still, something weird keeps stirring inside him, clawing its way in his chest, making his gut tighten in twisting hot, unpleasant way. Mild dread clouds his thoughts for a moment, fingers itching with agitated murky power. He glances at the girls who now are whispering and giggling about something between each other, slowly making their way back to the school, shooting glances at M's back. Something dangerous and ugly crosses Raizel's face, blood red eyes darkening, before his expression clears, surely approaching M.

Being near M instantly makes him feel better. He lets himself to bask in gentle aura of the other man, relaxing at the slight widening of M's eyes upon making his presence known. Raizel finds himself softly smiling at M, an answering smile on M's lips greeting him. He burrows the slimy cold feeling deep down and focuses on the fond and welcome blossom spreading from his center.

* * *

It's too hot.

So he uncovers the sheets, still on his side. It's too cold now, so he burrows under the blanket and promptly closes his eyes. Gets annoyed after few minutes of fighting to keep them shut, concentrating on even, deep breaths.

Nothing, still can't sleep.

Too much on his mind and he finds the silence too oppressive. M opens his eyes, and lifts his head to glare at the uncomfortable pillow, giving it few light punches to fluffy it properly. He huffs as he lies on his back, eyes wide open, watching shadows on the walls, in the soft light from the small lamp on the nighstand. He always keeps it on at night. And now the bed's too big. He curls with the blanket, again, scooting from his side of the bed to the middle, until he's on the other side.

Raizel's side.

Empty. Cold.

Raizel's not coming to bed tonight. He left with Frankenstein on business to Lukedonia, some request from the Lord. They left the household and school in their hands, and M's determined to avoid the incident from the other time they were in charge. He's not looking forward to another night of mixing cement, hauling construction parts, stressing over the time and avoiding being caught repairing Frankenstein's damaged property.

He misses Raizel more than he thought he would.

Can't sleep without somebody beside him, or more likely, can't sleep without the soothing feeling of _him_ beside. M's so used to it by now, unconsciously seeking the subtle signs of unique, clean smell, warm and solid body M can easily tangle with, soft skin under his hands and M bites his lip as the image sprouting in his mind makes his stomach tighten, in the most pleasant way. And he knows he won't be able to sleep now at all when he gets himself worked up like this. Maybe if he just... it's silly doing this to a memory of someone _not here_ , but he doesn't think he could wait until Raizel's back. Well, he could, but does he have to? So he tries to come with the flashback of the feeling of Raizel's palms on him.

He makes himself comfortable on his back, swiftly untangling his legs from the blanket, as his mind nearly instantly offers a memory of _him_ , slipping eagerly in his thoughts as it was waiting for him to call for it. The day before Raizel's departue to the Noblesse's lands, when they had time to say goodbye and...

M _almost_ feels a warm breath that was gently ruffling his hair, where Raizel's nose was buried, his chest molding with M's back. M's on his knees, busy with staying in position and muffling a groan with pillowcase between his teeth, as a particularly hard thrust sent him whining. Raizel's quiet huff at the back of his sweaty nape answered his moan, a scrape of blunt teeth on his throat making M seek more of the warmth above him, pressing up, _up_ into the push of Raizel's hips and greedily seeking the touch of searing hot mouth, gasping with the intensity of the sting. It hurt, when Raizel bit into his skin, teeth and lips working at it and he hissed, both writhing away and closer to the wet feeling of Raizel's tongue soothing the abused spot, near his wildly fluttering pulse point.

At present, M blinks and softly curses, biting on his lower lip at the hot, rapid sensation spreading low in his stomach. He's already breathing faster and not even touching himself properly, hands hovering near the waistband of pjs. He wouldn't think his imagination is so vivid, it never been so... _intense._

Like he's feeling the memory as an actual touch, with whisper of Raizel's ghost.

A sure presence, focused solely on him and his pleasure, of bringing him to the edge, teasing until he shouts, moans, begs and is allowed to spill.

Of Raizel losing bits of his own control upon seeing M reaching his peak, the grasp of fingers on M's waist almost bruising, as he selfishly uses M's body to follow M in bliss.

Of gasp and low sound of deep satisfaction, as it feels like they blend in together, Raizel running his hands at M's sides, mouth wetly nipping at the skin of M's shoulders. Of welcomed weight pressing M to the mattress, sweaty and sticky, too hot and knocking the breath out of him, but still making him feeling fully sated and safe.

That was _then_ , he remembers it so clearly it almost hurts, as his desire soars so fast, longing for Raziel in the _now_ , and he's busy with reaching the bedside table for something to slick his hand with, fumbles with his pants and takes hold of himself, clumsy fingers staining the fabric with the liquid, impatient in his hurry.

He's so aroused that it takes so little of his own touch, curling on himself as he finishes with choked moan.

M'd be embarrassed if he wouldn't be busy catching his breath, blinking through the fuzzy spots at the edges of his sight. M dumbly stares at the ceiling, mind blank, feeling his muscles finally relaxing, and he absentmindedly smears the dampness left on his stomach. Brows furrowing upon the cool sticky feeling on his skin, he brings slightly shaking hand up to stare at it. In astonishmend, he looks at the mess and huffs a laugh, finally getting rid of the half pushed pjs from his thighs. Lies back tilting his head to the side, to inhale at the pillow under his nose, chasing the faded smell of Raizel's hair.

M's heart is slowing down from his high and he's suddenly feeling so sleepy, not wanting to move at all, so content. He'd move in a minute to clean up, he thinks lazily as his eyes close down.

In a minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are joy and often bring updates, share some? °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°


	5. Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raizel in Lukedonia, follows last chapter. I made it sad. Sadder. New tags added, please check them ೭੧(❛▿❛✿)੭೨

The echo of his steps in the dark corridor breaks the silence, as he walks through the hall of the mansion. He doesn't need light to see what's around him, but a small part of him seems to miss it. It never has been that way, in the past. He just went around like a shadow, if he needed to change location, not bothering with small things other beings use to make themselves more comfortable.

Little things, like using light to navigate space, or eating. He doesn't need to eat, not really. Not like living creatures do, though the motions are familiar to him. Bringing him little pleasures he wasn't aware of before.

Darkness and emptiness were something he should linger in by design until he was needed, called. Waiting patiently and without complain. Being grateful for the opportunity to serve as a guardian, a great responsibility and honor to carry.

Darkness never bothered him, but now, after his time in the light he feels a discomfort, as something out there would be waiting for him. It's preposterous, but still slightly unnerving, so he looks around as he keeps walking, taking in the familiar sights. He pauses before the door of the room he often used - standing by the window, lost gazing out of it, looking out for _something_ he didn't even known by then.

Waiting.

Until that time, when a human literally crashed into his existence, breaking the surface of a calm lake, hurling himself into it with brimming energy and _life_. Frankenstein made Raizel stirr and blink through the fog of his apathy, like watching the red mist of dissociating power for the first time. Thrilling and saddening, but here the sorrow was gone. Curiosity has bloomed in him and he suddenly wanted to reach, touch, know. The rest is history.

Raizel slowly makes his way to the window, _his window_ , the room itself undisturbed, not a speck of dust on any surface. The curtains still flutter in the light breeze when he opens the window with his own hands, breathing in the air and he wonders quietly, how things have changed. He looks out into the vast space surrounding the mansion, easily spotting the details of familiar, unchanging landscape, burnt into his memory like a brand.

A sudden cold shiver runs down his spine, as the wind seems to pick up out of the blue. Strands of black hair keep getting into his face, forcing him to narrow his eyes. The curtains flap around him loudly, brushing his body like they want to grab at him, make him _stay_.

He stays still and closes his eyes, breathing in deep. Listening to the silence.

The mansion is full of silence, whispers of stone and wood, it's tones muffled now. It feels cold, colder than it was before. A delicate wrinkle appears between Raizel's brow as he slowly opens his eyes, the room visibly darker.

Something had shifted, and he can't pinpoint the exact moment of it starting. Perhaps it was a moment when his perception started to be influenced by the life among creatures with short lifespans. Humans? Full of chaotic energy, always in motion, constantly trying to catch something, living to the fullest for as long as they could.

Yes, and no.

It was _before_ humans, though one particular human was greatly responsible for the reshaping of Raizel’s world.

A rock thrown into his still lake of an existence, inevitably causing ripples, ripples than morphed into waves and crashed into the shores.

Frankenstein was a cause _others_ happened to invade his space more boldly, leaving behind their politely kept distance. Raizel can't say he isn't fond of the memories of that time, even if they are bittersweet. He turns from the window, looking at the set of low tables and couches. It's easy to recall the scene, ghost echoes of their voices, misty shillouetes taking places. He won't forget them, the crushing sorrow and disappointment mixing with sentiment.

One of them shining brighter than the rest, always eager to humor Raizel's wishes.

Red eyes and auburn hair, so proud and dedicated, easily pleased with smallest of gestures. Yearning for Raizel's attention, _of any kind_. Deep longing shamefully buried into his very soul, but Raizel could see it. There never was any privacy when he's around, though he never mentioned it, letting other Nobles live in blissful ignorance. Letting them make their choices, because he had to observe, _just_ observe, never intervene, even if the choices leaded into their own destruction.

Free will, a blessing and a curse.

Raizel idly watched as jealously started clawing at Urokai's soul, as it poisoned his thoughts and judgement, how he spiralled into stubborn dangerous path, how he lost himself.

He won't forget the despair and acceptance in the single red eye, the feel of icy cold fingertips on his skin, cold puff of a breath, as Urokai quietly made his last request, the taste of dry bloody lips on his own soon after Raizel's stiff nod, breathily rasped words of _affection_ , brush of tangled hair and red,

_red tears staining his own face like acid, hands dripping with it, the blood, and it sang to him, luring him to reach and take and he did, because it was time and it was his duty, and Urokai turned into_ _**nothing** _

Like other Nobles.

No, not nothing.

They just ceased to exist in mortal plane.

_The traitors._

But they weren't traitors, no, _they weren't._ They made their choices and Raizel couldn't stop them, even if he knew. It wasn't his place to do so, and he wouldn't change that.

And all of them, they are always with him. Always will be. He carries the pieces of their souls with him, even if he can't hear them. Because they are vital part of him. Them and many others before. Make him, are his essence, lifeforce. He is a judge and executor and-

_he is aware of Nobles' eyes following him, appraising him, some looking with wariness, but still respectful, others always so full of admiration_

_all of them red, but not the same, every set of eyes is different, he knows them, what's behind those eyes_

_the urgent whisper of stray thoughts always there, surrounding him, even if they aren't aware of it and he tries to ignore them, tries so hard to keep still and an unease keeps growing steadily until it spills and it's too much_

_**too much** _

_he has to hide, to shut them out, because this much energy is maddening, their auras clinging to his own, reaching out to touch and mingle and he feels an itch growing but he has to keep calm so he focuses on his solitude_

_they think him aloof and unfeeling, as he should be, **as Noblesse should be** , cold and indifferent, but still it feels good for Nobles to be noticed by him, to bask in his presence, to have his attention even if it is just a glance_

_they don't know what they **do to him** , that their thoughts and desires are clawing at his shields every time he's around them, demanding and unielding and he fights back to stay in one piece, because everyone wants a bit of him, greedily, selfishly, as it is their right, because they are alive and he isn't, he is **eternal and forever**_

_Nobles don't know what makes them crave of just a moment of his attention, of his presence, as the essence in him calls to them, because they are made of the same thing, his veins are full of **them**_

_and this is why he has to stay alone, the soothing silence of his mansion, full of gentle whispers lulling his oversensitive mind, alone_

_alone_

_**alone** _

Raizel sways as he swallows a bile rising in his throat. Noblesse, a neutral being, born from their own blood and essence. A duty, honor, _curse_. A privilege he never wanted and was gifted with because of it. Because he _never wanted_ it.

The walls of the room feel like they close on him, a spike of fear upon a memory he doesn't want to unlock, isn't ready to, will never be ready to come back to, doesn't wish to come back to, so he moves, steps faltering and unsteady, growing sure the more distance he puts with the room as he flees it.

Suddenly, there's a tug at the back of his mind, a gentle tickle at the base of his skull.

Something calls for him, no, _someone_ , the distance not important, but the call is weak. The bond isn't complete, won't be complete without M's acceptance, but Raziel grabs the thought like he's drowning and desperatly wishes to stay on the surface. His lungs feel full of choking weight and he almost sprints through the hall, keeping focus on M, reaching as far as he's able to.

He crashes inelegantly, suddenly, with too much force, invading M's thoughts, but it's M and he cries for him, an answering pull in Raizel's own mind and he sees M struggling, but he's here to _help_ , help soothe the burning ache in his soul. So he lets himself deepen the connection and make M gasp for real, the strength of his presence blending with M's memories. Dimly, he's aware he shouldn't do this, but he's selfish and guides M with gentle but unielding force, making him fall apart and shiver after, and relief floods Raizel, making him feel disoriented and dizzy, when the connection abruptly cuts off.

But it's too much too soon and he has to sit down, gracelessly sliding down a wall, numbly staring down at his shaking hands. The pounding noise in his head keeps a thunder of messy thoughts going, Raizel's hard beating heart not slowing down despite his efforts. The wild pulse in his veins feels like lava, boiling and he's busy with taking frantic gulps of air, tilting his face up. The back of his head collides with the surcafe behind him, dull quick pain sobering him for a bit, as he breathes through his open mouth, dread expanding in his chest.

_He shouldn't._

A mistake.

Something hot gathers in the corners of his eyes, hands curling into fists.

Feeling so much. It was a _mistake_.

He harshly rubs both hands down his face feeling wetness under his fingertips, grabs fistful of hair at the side and just holds, pulling it back, focusing on the discomfort.

The echo of his soft sobs in the dark corridor breaks the silence, as he falls apart in the hall of the mansion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are joy and fuel for next update, share it? °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°


	6. Chink

He wakes up slowly to gentle fingers scratching his head, tangled in his silver hair. Familiar scent hits him and M sighs, not opening his eyes just yet and the hand continues its pattern of unhurried strokes. A brush of warm lips on his eyebrow makes him lazily smile, warmth and giddiness unfurling in his chest and he can't help the sound that sneaks past his mouth at particularly good stroke behind his ear. M opens his eyes, strands of Raizel's black hair the first thing he's able to see of the man. Raizel gently cradles M's nape as he leans back, crimson gaze full of unhidden fondness making M's breath hitch and they stare at each other for a moment, almost like frozen in time, before M suddenly lunges up and nearly tackles Raizel.

With arms around Raizel's shoulders, not caring about the crushing strength of his hug, M hides his nose in the crook of Raizel's neck, inhaling the scent he missed so much for the last ten days.

And Raizel doesn't seem to mind it, pressing into M's embrace and adding to it, the hand in M's hair twisting the strands almost painfully, other sneaking around his back nearly clawing at it. He doesn't care about it, basking in the presence of him _here_ and now, feeling the hot breath on his skin. Any bruises would be worth it, worth seeing his face and feeling his touch.

“Welcome back,” M murmurs into the skin of Raizel's neck and he almost doesn't believe his ears when a tiny broken sound, _a whimper_ , leaves Raizel's throat, M's eyes widening. And he wants to see Raizel's face, but he can't, as Raziel holds him tighter, nuzzling his forehead into M's shoulder, like he wants to hide, curling into M's arms. M almost freezes, unfamiliar spike of icy fear in his veins, but he tunes it out, exhaling in suddenly shaky breath, focusing on the man in his arms and ignoring the hammering of his heart. He kisses the crown of Raizel's head and lets him rest half on top of him, M's legs trapped in blankets, the weight of Raizel's body welcome after such long absence.

Its much later when they're both calmer, properly lying in bed together. M's gazing up at Raizel's face, fingers lightly tracing the lines of his jaw, thumb brushing tender and reddened skin of his lips. They kissed a lot, both starved for each other, hunger still burning in them, but at its lowest now.

“I had the strangest dream the other day,” M murmurs, touching smooth skin under Raizel's eye. Raizel takes a hold of M's wrist as he shifts back, crimson eyes unwavering.

“About what?” Raizel's voice's hushed, as he doesn't want to break the comfort of their shared silence.

“You.” M pauses, biting his lower lip slightly. “I couldn't sleep and thought of you. But... it felt so real, like you were there.” He lets out a little self-deprecating laugh, “I know it sounds like I'm making it up, but I'm sure I _felt_ your touch.”

M watches Raizel swallow before he opens his mouth, an odd shadow crossing his carefully neutral face.

“It wasn't just your imagination. I heard you calling and I answered.”

The smile on M's face freezes and slips, “What?”

Raizel lowers his eyes and slowly withdraws his fingers from M's hand, squeezing once before letting go and sitting up, knees up to his chest, arms around them. M swiftly follows him up, weirdly alarmed when Raizel doesn't meet his eyes, strands of black hair acting as a curtain.

“What do you mean you _answered_?” He hesitates, reaching to touch Raizel's shoulder. M feels it stiffen under his hand, so he withdraws, moving to sit opposite to Raizel's side.

“I shouldn't have done it. I could have hurt you.” Raizel's words are so quiet he has to lean closer to even hear them. “But I couldn't shut them out and you were there and I,” he inhales deeply, visibly trying to get a hold on himself, “I reached back without thinking. It was irresponsible of me and I apologize.”

M's taken back at the pure anguish in Raizel's eyes when he looks up at him. His throat is suddenly dry, “But how?” he cracks, “How is it even possible? We didn't do anything to-”

“I did.”

M blinks, jaw slackening. “You what? _When?_ ”

Raizel looks away. “When I used your blood to help you with awakening your powers.”

M needs a moment to think about it, hands twitching at sudden chill spreading from his fingertips. “That was months..., no, years ago.” His brows furrow and he leans closer to catch Raizel's eyes. “And you didn't tell me? Why?”

“It never was a complete bond. I meant to do it soon, we're close and I wanted to ask for you to... I wanted to explain properly.”

M snorts, bringing hand to smooth the silver hair back from his face, “And you couldn't do it for all this time? We shared bed for months!”

He doesn't mean to be harsh, but he must sound so, as Raizel glances at him, hint of hurt in his gaze.

M's temper rises at that look. It's not Raizel that should feel hurt, it's him! He keeps his mouth in thin line, jaw locked tight to keep from shouting his irritation out.

“How does it work? Are you in my head?” He asks, voice deceptively calm. Secretly, he fears the answer. Not again, he silently prays, the ugly feeling of numb betrayal rearing its head.

Not from him.

Raizel looks as he's in pain and M is suddenly cold, as it clicks.

“You are.” His heart is beating so fast it hurts, palms curling into fists. “Are you messing with my mind? Taking a peek as you see fit?” he hisses, through gritted teeth, claws of doubt digging in and holding.

“It isn't like that-”

“You had _years_ to explain it! What was so hard about it?!”

Raizel flinches at M's loud outburst, eyes wide. “I feel most of emotions around, but I don't actively seek to _interact_ with them.” Raizel's back straightens as he sits up properly, his gaze earnest. “With you, I've never looked for anything on purpose. Never.”

“And how can I believe you?” M rips off the blanket covering his legs, standing up. He feels restless, something unpleasant crawling under his skin. “You didn't tell me about it for so long-,” he pauses in his agitated steps as something grasps at him.

“On purpose,” M's silver glare's piercing, “You said you've never looked _on purpose._ You saw something.”

Raizel stiffens and slowly stands up, their bed between them. “I did.” he admits, steadily looking back. And as he stays silent, crimson eyes unwavering and cool, M feels something foul bubbling in his chest.

How dare he. How dare he keep it from him. He lost so much and Raizel decided to... to what? Browse his mind as he saw fit and shut up about it? _Maybe he rearranges it as well_ , a hidden, paranoid part of him whispers.

_Manipulation._

_Trust no one, not even your own mind. Because it's not yours._

M swallows bile rising in his throat and feels the tips of his nails grow a bit.

“Auras and emotions, I _can't_ cut them off completely,” Raizel's speaking fast, like he knows M's patience is thin. “They're always there. I can only tune them down, but it's different with blood bond. It makes a link, and when it's fulfilled from both sides willingly, it's like sharing a piece of your soul.”

M hears Raizel speak but he doesn't _hear_ him.

Link. Chain. _Shackle._

He bites his lip so hard he tastes blood. He can't do this again, _he just can't_ , not when he has his freedom at last. He feels waves of sorrowful guilt, _his own?_ He wonders fleetingly as hot rage blinds him for a moment, spitting the words, “Is this what you did with Frankenstein? Bound him to your will, sharing _soulbond_? Is this what it is?” M's voice shakes a bit and he fights hard to keep ridiculous envy out of it.

All this meaningful glances, voiceless conversations, silent intimacy. Was it years of knowing someone or soulbond? Was he so openly jealous of it that Raizel picked up on it and pitied him, poor lost M, creating an illusion of a choice?

He's unbalanced, poisonous thoughts swirling in his mind. He's fidgety and wants to tear into something.

Is it even real what is, _was_ , between them?

He feels sick, tongue heavy. “I'd never want something like that. I want no leash and no bond. Not with _you,”_ M regrets the words as soon as they spill from his mouth, but he can't stop. “Not with anyone. And _stay out of my mind._ ”

He winces and steps back as Raizel's lips part but no sound comes from them. Raizel stands still, arm frozen as he wants to reach out for M. For a moment, his expression is full of disoriented distress, crimson eyes pleading and lost and M hates _that_ , hates himself for putting that look on this beautiful man, but he did it. And he doesn't want to hear what Raizel will say, how he'll admit they never will have anything more because he ruined it now, but he can't let him say it out loud, so he turns around and flees.

Like a coward, only hearing roar of blood rushing in his ears, eyes unseeing as he wants out, _out_ , and as far as his legs are able to carry him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Break up or make up? I'm open to suggestions °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°


	7. Mirror

There's a soft gasp behind him and he doesn't need to turn back to see who is it, already knowing thanks to the man's aura, but he does so. Glancing above his shoulder and turning a little to the side, hip bumping into the hard marble of windowsill, Raizel's hands curl to stop himself from instinctively reaching for M, half a room away, shifting at the entrance.

Hesitating.

Raizel holds his gaze on the man, meeting the startled grey eyes. He watches the tight line forming on M's lips, the stubborn jut of his chin as he collects himself and walks into the kitchen, full of feigned confidence, steps light and ready to bolt at any moment. Raizel keeps looking at M's back, when he opens the fridge, seeking a bottle of water.

Crimson eyes are following the line of M's shoulders, stiff and taut. Raizel keeps his mouth shut, even if he yearns to speak, because at this point he knows better.

Last days taught him that. M was unwilling to talk with him every time he tried to catch the man in private, to spare him the embarrassment of witnesses as they talked about their matters. Or, Raizel hoped they would talk about it, wishing to clear the misunderstandings, wishing to have a chance to explain himself properly, calmly, ask for forgiveness, _anything._

But any attempt hadn't worked as he thought they would, M deftly avoiding being alone with Raizel, fleeing, given the shadow of a chance with some flimsy excuse. Avoiding places he'd know Raizel would be at the time or being quick with any tasks he'd have to do while in Raizel's presence.

Others noticed, of course they noticed. It would be hard _not_ to notice the heavy air while both of them were in the room, full of averted glances and half spoken sentences, when earlier it was much different. They never were too flashy with their feelings for each other, leaving the passion for the privacy of their rooms, content with gentle brush of hands, prolonged couch hugs and soft smiles, _“Sweet and innocent as kittens”_ as Tao said with teasing smirk stretching his lips. Raizel didn't mind, any comments were said in good nature and he knew they wished them well. M wasn't shy about their relationship, he just preferred they kept it to themselves. Raizel favoured it as well.

But now. Now the silence is oppressing and Raizel _feels_ it in the air.

He tried so many times and M refused to speak with him, so he makes a decision and starts walking towards the man. M is still turned back from him and he hears the harsh intake of breath as he nears the man, shoulders impossibly tense and he _aches_ , disappointed, steps faltering at the sudden cold stab in his chest, but he keeps walking, eyes sliding from M's body. He walks by the man, M holding his breath in, waiting for the unavoidable words from Raizel and starting the conversation he worked so hard to avoid and his thoughts are a jumbled mess when it doesn't happen, when it's him who looks at Raizel's back retreating into the darkness of the hallway, confused and relieved sigh leaving his lips.

Raizel feels grey eyes boring into the back of his head, feels the whirlwind of emotions around M, but doesn't look back, bowing his head down, walking, stiffly walking _away._

He learnt his lesson.

He has to respect the wishes of other to be left alone. He can't keep upsetting M with his clumsy attempts of mending things. He doesn't need a peek into M's thoughts to know it's unwelcomed, not that he dared to do so.

Never. He never did it on purpose. And he'll never will, now more than ever.

Raizel silently _hopes_ the distance would help, that M just needs time as Frankenstein suggested, offering advice upon seeing how distressed Raizel was with the situation. Raizel hadn't told him what exactly happened and Frankenstein hadn't prodded, but he easily put the pieces together.

So, he walks away without a word, flinching slightly at the sudden bang of fridge's door, the sound loud in otherwise silent household, as it usually is in the middle of quiet night.

And Raizel keeps biting his lower lip to focus on something else then the crash of mixed signals coming at him in waves, M unaware of the bleed over of his emotions and the anguish he creates. _No,_ Raizel shakes his head and tries to walk faster, it's _not_ M's fault. He is not to blame for Raizel's own impairment.

His steps are heavy, feet nearly dragging as he nears his rooms. Raizel leans heavily on the doors when he closes them after him, strands of hair sticking to his forehead as he lets his cheek land on the cool surface. He swallows heavily, throat dry, closing his eyes as the world spins, fingers wrapping on the doors handle to keep himself grounded.

When he's almost sure he won't stumble to the floor, Raizel slowly makes his way to bed, wearily lying on his side, keeping his breathing deep and even. There's a sand feeling in his eyes and the pulse in his head keeps pounding loudly, and he knows he's exhausted and needs sleep, but he can't do that. He can't sleep even more than he couldn't before he was with M.

Earlier, before M, he often didn't want to close his eyes, because he already slept for so _long._ Missing almost a millennium was terrifying. He was aware of the amount of power he spent back then and the need to rest after the events, but how long it took was still shocking. Raizel didn't want to repeat the cycle of _in_ and _out_ of endless dreams, that easily turned into nightmares. More often than not torturing him with images of those who were lost. Blaming him. Little by little turning him mad.

Raizel was afraid of trying to rest, mind full of doubts about being able to wake up. So he so very often was caught at night at random places, reading or just sitting. No one knew why he did so, no one asked. It was just a thing he did, apparently not needing the sleep as a superior being. They didn't know he did so, because closing his eyes didn't feel safe.

Noblesse suffering from insomnia? Irrational thing, yet it plagued him like any mortal. Short controlled naps helped him keeping alertness, but still, it was something that had to backfire in the long run.

Until M happened. After long time of Raizel keeping his guard up he could relax and was able to truly _sleep._ First, for just few minutes, then hour, then a night. He felt better, refreshed, powerful.

Now, he's back to the beginning and he feels worse than before. He tried to sleep alone, but something keeps missing. He misses M in his bed, in his arms, his weight, smell, sounds, _feel_ of him. All of it is gone and the spontaneous muted and distressed tugs at the back of his mind don't help.

And there's _something_ else. For the first time Raizel felt it in his mansion in Lukedonia. Lurking at the edges of his consciousness, hovering and retreating whenever he tries to focus on it. It keeps nagging him, the feeling of icy dread crawling in his veins at random times. He often felt eyes on him, invisible yet unmistakably hungry. It kept happening more and more, startling him during the day, making him tense and mentally look for danger that never comes, leaving nothing beside that faint feeling of foreboding, like wisps of blown out candle.

But days aren't as hard as nights, spent on his own in cold bed, hours of staring into space, thinking of things unsaid and that have been. Storing them to remember and keep, cherish and cling to as minutes of ringing silence crawl by. And when it doesn't help, he starts to walk around the asleep household as he once had done, wandering from room to room, reading, staring through the windows, anything to fight back the thoughts and feelings. Anything to calm his mind and heart.

And when he looks in the mirror at his spacious white bathroom after he rushed a glass of water down his throat, he freezes at the view. Raizel keeps still, staring at his face, glancing at the shadows behind him. Something feels wrong and he fixes his eyes at the image of his face.

And there it is again, a flicker, a blink and he'd miss it.

Black hair, longer than his own. Pale face, like his own. Red eyes with shadows under them, boring into his with such intesity that has his skin crawling. Mouth twisted in razor sharp and disturbing, yet satisfied smile.

The reflection looks like Raizel, but radiates malice. His eyes widen as it mouths something he can't hear and is gone in the next moment. He steps back, hands leaving their white-knuckled hold on the cracked sink, eyes looking anywhere than the mirror. He's seeing things because of sleep deprivation, Raizel thinks, suppressing shivers and failing. He leaves the bathroom in a hurry, not even sparing a glance at the messy bed, his feet carrying him out of the room and on the staircase to the basement.

It's _nothing_ , he's hallucinating, he says to himself as the doors to sparsely lit lab open. Frankenstein's not here, but Raizel's sure he'll be in a moment. The disturbed state of his mind these days makes accidental slips in their connection much easier and it isn't something he's proud of. Still, he'd appreciate someone he could lean on and... _share_ his doubts. Because he isn't sure he has a proper control on his powers and he'd hate to hurt someone unintentionally.

Raizel's pacing as he waits for Frankenstein, anxiety pulling at his insides, his own hands nervously twisting his fingers, thoughts unwillingly coming back to that one startling second. Of gleaming crimson eyes piercing him to the spot. Of words he couldn't hear, but recognized them just from the movement of those smirking lips.

_Found you._

Raizel hears a crack in his neck when he suddenly turns to a hesitant voice calling his name. M's in the lab's doorway, barefoot, his silver hair in disarray as he'd combed them with his fingers one time too many.

“What-,” he swallows, brows furrowed, “Raizel, what's happening? I felt like you- why are you shaking?” Disbelief paints M's voice and M quickly steps closer and Raizel is frozen in place. M reaches for his hands, his own clasping around Raizel's, warm and strong. And Raizel would bask in the closeness of the man, of his touch upon his skin if not for the feeling of uncertanity currently clawing at him.

He feels the simmer of his power, and it is not to be trusted right now. Too agitated, _unstable_ , it can hurt M if he allows him this close. He jerks his hands from M's hold and shies away from him, surprise on M's face changing into grimace. He looks guilty, stormy grey eyes looking at him from under his fringe.

“Look, I-”

“You can't touch-”

They speak at the same time, both closing their mouths shut to allow the other to speak, M trying to talk again only to be disturbed by the third voice.

“Master!” Frankenstein hurries from the lab's entrance, sparing M a glance before he focuses only on Raizel. He partly shields him from M, wild blond hair coming undone from his night braid. 

“What is the matter?” Frantic blue eyes search his face, taking in his form. “You feel particularly... troubled,” he adds in hushed voice, eyes boring into his, as another unspoken questions pop into Raizel's mind.

_“Do you feel ill? Is it M? Should I get rid of him?”_

Raizel doesn't open his mouth, mentally answering with negative to two of them, briefly hesitating about the first one. Frankenstein nods, the line of his shoulders dropping a bit. “Please sit while I make something to drink,” he gently steers Raizel onto the chair near his desk, hands hovering near his body but not touching. Raizel quietly settles onto the seat, curling his hands into fists as he puts them on his lap, staring at them. 

“You should go back to sleep, I have everything under control,” Frankenstein says cooly, looking at M.

M shifts on spot but stubbornly stays his ground, “Raizel, I need to talk with you.” Startled, Raizel looks up, sure he misheard. His eyes meet with fierce silver gaze, M's aura a storm of many things he's too tired to read now.

Frankenstein purses his lips, back straightening “Master is-”

M speaks louder, “After you're feeling better,” he glares at Frankenstein, but his eyes are back at Raizel's. Raizel's eyes trace the lines of his throat as he swallows, “Please,” M adds quietly. Something weak sparks in Raizel's chest and he nods, drinking in the flicker of relief crossing M's face before he nods as well and hesitates for a second, then turns and walks away, but not without glancing back at him, holding his gaze until he steps out from the lab.

Raizel feels he can breathe a bit easier for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to anyone guessing, what's happening with the mirror (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ I love hearing your thoughts, spare a comment if you enjoy the story?


	8. Clash

It's not before two days later that M's patience runs out and he seeks out Raizel. He hasn't seen the man since the last time, Frankenstein briefly informing rest of the household of Raizel's indisposition and that he's staying in the lab in the meantime. M tried to keep calm, but it was rather hard, with his own doubts running about, all of the situation sitting heavy on his shoulders.

He can't fully understand _what_ exactly had happened that night, when he saw Raizel all shaken and when he felt it in his bones, that something was _wrong._

Until that time M didn't feel anything else from Raizel, just like he promised during their fight. Not a slip of a thought or a feeling and he felt both pleased and weirded out, because he didn't even know it was _there_ , the constant vigilance that brought him comfort in some twisted way. Before Frankenstein's announcement about Raizel whereabouts, he not so accidentaly went to places Raizel usually was at, and he knew it was hypocritical of him to act this way when just few days ago it was him, who ran in panic everytime Raizel was near. He just wasn't ready to face him after their fall out, it was one of the reasons. The other reason was he just simply didn't know _what_ to say. It was pathetic and it made M feel even more bitter about the situation.

Frankenstein barely glances at him above his shoulder, when he walks into the lab. He seems busy with papers in his hands, comparing them to the data on one of the screens. He doesn't say anything, something M is used to when they're in the lab, but this time it's different.

Frankenstein may seem as usual, relaxed and in perfect control, confident in the enviroment he thrives best in, but now M can notice the crispness of his movements. Because he looks at him closely, hyper-aware of every gesture.

Shrugging himself out of the odd, nervous trance, M looks around the lab, but he can't see anything new beside the usual equipment. Not sight of Raizel, who should be here, as Frankenstein said. He shifts on spot ready to ask him about it, but when he faces the man he meets piercing blue eyes looking at him above the rim of glassess. M freezes for a moment, but doesn't waver under the hard gaze and something in Frankenstein's face relaxes a bit, before he looks away with a small sigh.

“He's sleeping in his rooms,” Frankenstein says quietly, but M can hear it perfectly well thanks to the slient buzz of the machines around them.

“I gave him some... _treatment_ ,” he adds when M doesn't move immediately as Frankenstein probably expects him to. M breathes a little easier, but a slight wrinkle forms between his brows.

“For sleeping?”

Frankenstein nods briefly, steadily holding his gaze on M. “I understand you had your reasons for pulling away like you did,” he stresses few last words. M's posture stiffens and at his slience, he continues. “Master is...” Frankenstein pauses, looking like he thinks about saying something, then changes his mind. “Master means well. But I think you're aware that _meaning well_ is not always the best way.”

“You telling me that why?”

“You know why,” a small smirk has the corners of his lips twitching up. “What _you'll_ do is up to you.”

M huffs a breath through his nose, snapping, “Must you always be so cryptic?”

“But it's part of my charm, is it not?” Frankenstein says in mock hurt, one palm splayed above his heart. “Beside, why should I do your work? Use your brain a little.”

Typical for the man to give him an advice and veiled insult in one, M thinks and shakes his head.

“Easy for you to say. You're both already-” he shuts his mouth so fast his teeth click and he curses himself internally for the slip, faint blush creeping at his cheeks. He glances at Frankenstein before pulling his gaze away, noticing how those blue eyes sharpen once more.

“Oh. I see.” M forces himself to look at the man, hand placed under an arm at the elbow, one finger at his lips, Frankenstein's gaze boring into him. M feels like he's under _examination_ and he doesn't like it, shuffling his feet. Frankenstein hums quietly, finger tapping at his lips, head tilting slightly to the side.

In this moment he reminds M of a giant cat that prepares itself to pounce on unsuspecting prey. He doesn't like the calculatng glint in his eyes, not in one bit, and he braces himself for a tactical retreat, just as Frankenstein's smooth voice stops him.

“So _that's_ what's bothering you,” there's this superior amusement both on Frankenstein's face and in his tone that has M sneering, but it's gone in a moment. “I should say I don't blame you, shouldn't I? After all, I have years on you when it comes to sharing a _bond_ with him.”

M's hands ball into fists, but he says nothing, stormy silver eyes glaring at the blond. Frankenstein chuckles at that and it gets on M's nerves more than he'd like to admit. He grits his teeth and just as he opens his mouth to say something, Frankenstein cuts him to it.

“And you've probably thought about _all_ the aspects of such bond, haven't you?” He doesn't wait for M's response, staring at M's frozen posture “Wondering about the amount of history we share, the connection and _intimacy_ -”

“Soul bond,” M blurts, and bites his lip in frustration at the sudden lack of his brain-mouth filter.

“The soul bond,” Frankenstein repeats, his face unreadable for a second before his impish mirth is back. Seconds tick and no one says anything, the dull buzz of equipmnet in the background the only sounds beside their breathing.

“You're enjoying it. Rubbing it all to my face,” M rasps, squinting at Frankenstein.

“Well, yes.” Frankenstein's grin is full of teeth. “You make it _so_ easy.”

A growl catches in his throat along with hot prickly feeling of shame, spreading from his nape, warmth crawling on his face. He wills himself to stand down, jerkily pushing the hair from his eyes, brushing the strands behind his ear. Swallowing before he speaks under the scrutiny of those amused eyes, Frankenstein leaning back at the desk with crossed arms, daring him to say _something_ with the arrogant tilt of his chin.

“I know you're close and you know each other far better than I could by now,” Frankenstein nods like he admits M is right and he pushes the words out, even if he'd like to turn tail and flee, _now._ “You've got him for decades and it had to bring you two together-”

“Wait,” Frankenstein brings one palm up, “I've never been interested in Master like that.”

“What?” M gapes at him. “What about the implication?”

“What implication?” Frankenstein blinks, sounding confused and M would believe that look, if he wouldn't know how good of an actor Frankenstein is.

A snort leaves his lips, “Of you and Raizel being _together-_ ”

“I believe it's not really your business.” The coolness of Frankenstein's tone cuts M off immediately and he silently clenches his jaw shut.

He wants to push for answers, for Frankenstein admitting, _promising_ him they really haven't been like that. But he sees Frankenstein's done with the topic and he has to drop it. Does he believe him about it? He's not so sure.

“Forget it,” M hisses and turns to the exit.

“Ask Master, if you're so curious,” Frankenstein says to M's stiff back as he walks out from the lab. “Though, do wait until he wakes up on his own.”

M glances back at Frankenstein and his feet falter at the serious look on his face. “I'd hate my hard work go to waste,” and with the slightly threatening words delivered with a bit terrifying smile he turns back to his papers. M suppresses a shiver and makes his way up the stairs, steps more hurried than normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Raizel in this chapter, because I thought M should clear some things with Frankenstein first. Is the result satisfying? Even if not, it's a start. 
> 
> I like hearing your thoughts, dear readers! Put them in the comment, if you'd be so kind (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑


	9. Before (or After) - nsfw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted it once as stand-alone story in Hematite AU (and some of you probably read it already), but I think it would fit better in the main story. 
> 
> It's pure pwp of Raizel and M, something that could happen in the past or will happen in their future, after they reconcile. Why post it now and not wait for the right moment in the story? I'm impatient and want it out here, now (o˘◡˘o) So, have fun and please, do let me know if it was enjoyable read (and if I should add more pieces like this later).

The idea strikes, when he's having a shower, shampoo covered hands working on his hair methodically. A spark of desire licks at his spine and it doesn't take long to convince himself to do it. The plan is simple and it quickly forms in his mind, so he swiftly finishes washing his hair, but is much more thoughtful with cleaning the rest of his body. Carefully and thoroughly, lightly biting his lip and focusing on the task, keeping any noises in.

For now.

And when he's done, skin pinked both from warm water and increasing _want,_ he almost runs into his bedroom, hastily throwing off the towel hanging around his hips. M impatiently opens few drawers of the bedside table, a tiny triumphant sound leaving his throat upon finding the plastic bottle and he diligently gets to work.

Later, he almost squirms in poorly hidden excitement, sitting beside Raizel on the sofa in one of Raizel's rooms, watching an episode of some drama Raizel was curious about. M barely keeps himself from fidgeting openly, time and again silver eyes slipping away from the tv to Raizel's face and he's surprised when Raizel doesn't laugh at him out loud. But only a corner of Raizel's lips curls up when their gazes finally meet and he reaches around M's shoulders, his arm curling and M finds himself plastered to Raizel's side.

He stays still for a moment, staring at the tempting patch of pale skin on Raizel's throat just before his eyes, and the subtle movement of it when Raizel swallows. M growls something unintelligible under his breath and moves swiftly, sitting astride on Raizel's lap. He doesn't waste time and ducks down to catch Raizel's mouth in a kiss, feeling a rare grin forming on his lips as he eagerly responds with heated kisses.

It doesn't take much to forget the tv, M successfully distracting Raizel with well placed nips under the side of his jaw, drinking in the soft exhales of breath and pushing his hips down, against Raizel's own, sparks of pleasure flickering up his spine. M gasps at the feel of Raizel's slightly cold hands sneaking under his loose shirt, tracing the lines of his back. One of Raizel's palms goes down, skirting around the hem of his shorts, fingers bluntly curling around M's buttcheek and squeezing. M encouragingly rolls into the touch, biting off a groan when the pad of Raizel's finger brushes at his hole. He looks up at Raizel with half lidded eyes when his breath hitches at the wet feel of lubricant under his hand.

Raizel's gaze darkens, crimson eyes suddenly full of smoldering lust and it's a but a moment when M feels Raizel's fingers _in_ him, busy with Raizel's mouth on his own. The self satisfied smirk slips from his lips, a moan making its way past them, Raizel's hand sure and teasing. Clothes are out the way in record time, M mourning the warmth of Raizel's lap just for a short moment before he's straddling him once again.

M's more than ready after Raizel's thoughtful fingering, _impatient_ , and he wants to feel something _more_ , Raizel's hands gently placed around his hips now. They're grounding, but not pushing him and M takes both of Raizel's hands into his, places them on his buttcheeks, wordlessly asking to hold on them by pushing Raizel's hands on his skin. M's fast with grabbing Raizel's cock just as Raizel's fingers dig into his cheeks, kneading and spreading them. M focuses on Raizel's face as pushes down, _slowly_ , crying out softly when the tip slips in.

He hovers for a bit, thighs shaking, because it's much _more_ than fingers, and he huffs with a strangled laugh, drunk on sensation of Raizel's cock gradually making it's way inside him, because he keeps pushing _down._ Raizel keeps still, red eyes flickering between M's face and M's hips, his hands holding on M's waist, clinging to him as he tries to steady his own breath. Light blush spreads on Raizel's cheeks and M licks his lips at the sight, quietly groaning, when he feels Raizel deep, _so deep_ , Raizel's chest rising and falling steadily under his hands. M feels Raizel's muscles straining to stay still, keeping himself in check until M says otherwise. One more exhale and M touches his forehead to Raizel's after he's done, his butt meeting the top of Raizel's thighs, Raizel's arms going around his back stroking down and up, panting softly and their lips keep brushing teasingly, so M lunges for a kiss.

M shudders when he rolls his hips experimentally, delighting in pleasant drag of cock inside him. A breathy moan leaves his throat just as Raizel's lips suck at his neck and he tilts his head back, moving again, grinding down then going up, deliberately testing Raizel's patience. And Raizel lets him do what he wants, arms coming around M's back, holding but not constricting. M uses his position for his own pleasure, back arched, fingers digging on Raizel shoulders as a leverage. He speeds up, his thighs burning with the effort, but he doesn't care, busy chasing the thrilling feel of bliss. Small noises keep pouring from his throat and Raizel's hands squeeze at his sides, but he still isn't pushing M down. M smiles, leanining down with parted lips to capture Raziel's in sloppy, open mouthed kiss just as he slams down and holds still, “Do it,” he whispers breathily, “Do it Raizel, _please._ ”

And he sees the gleam in his eyes just as his arms wrap at his back, almost _too_ tight and he _keens_ at first snap of Raizel's hips, up, _up_ and he can't move, but he's okay, it's _Raizel_ , so he hides his face in Raizel's neck and is in for a rough ride.

Just as he asked for.

Raizel's done with M teasing him and M's glad to hold on, pleasure coiling and burning in his veins. One of Raizel's hand cup the back of his head, the other almost clawing at his side. M's brows furrow at particularly good thrust brushing his spot, his own cock trapped between their abdomens, and he feels the pleasure building, sinking down at Raizel's next push up. It startles out a half broken moan, interrupting Raizel's soft pants and M whimpers at the raw force of Raizel's few next thrusts. M grinds on Raizel's lap as much as he's able to, squeezing down on Raizel's cock and soon is rewarded with a gasp, feeling Raizel moving to pull out.

“No, Raizel, inside, _please,_ ” M whimpers into the skin of Raizel's neck, damp from M's breath. Raizel's hand slips between them, curling around M's cock and he can't help the whine that leaves his mouth at the feeling. He's so _close,_ Raizel's fingers working on him and he's _there,_ biting into Raizel's shoulder to muffle the shout as he makes a mess between their stomachs. 

Like in a daze M feels as Raizel gives a shuddering breath, feeling his fingers digging at M's hips and holding him down, filling him up. M feels the hotness pouring into him and he shivers, back arching, hands scraping at Raizel's chest until he stops moving, breathing heavily. Slightly shaking hand cups his chin and gentle lips kiss his cheek, jaw and mouth. A palm tenderly pushes the strands of silver hair back from his face and he lets a soft smile curl his lips, basking in the sight before his eyes. Raizel's gaze's full of emotion, cheeks pink, lips reddened from their kisses and M hums and brushes them with his tongue, lazily licking into Raizel's mouth, pliant and satisfied under Raizel's hands.

Just as he planned.


	10. Ramen

It's dark when he opens his eyes. Lying on his back among pillows Raizel blinks to clear his vision, breath slow, heartbeat calm. There weren't any dreams and he's glad, even if he doesn't know how long he slept. Frankenstein assured him to take care of any minor problems that might arise, and Raizel trusts him on that. He's sure he'd awaken by himself if something truly serious would happen. Being constantly on guard is natural these days and to truly let go it's a challenge itself.

He doesn't move for long minutes, quietly relishing in the silence and tranquility before his senses pick up signatures of household members. Even without stretching his powers he's aware of anyone who's near. Three out of four auras are currently in the house, a questioning and gentle tug from Frankenstein's side of the bond distracting Raizel for a while from looking closer for M. It's clear he's the missing aura, and Raizel doesn't reach out to locate his position more closely, at least not now, focusing on the wordless communication with Frankenstein.

He's sitting up, untangling his legs from sheets when there's knocking to bedroom's door. Raizel doesn't risk standing up just yet, letting his body adjust to the change in position, crimson eyes wandering to Frankenstein who let himself in at his quiet permit. There's a hint of worry crossing Frankenstein's face, when his gaze take in on Raizel's slightly hunched form, barely there if one doesn't know what to look for. A faint smile slips on Raizel's lips and he nods with quiet, “I am well,” as Frankenstein hovers near, looking him over. He answers all the questions Frankenstein comes with, still deeply concerned about Raizel's health, but Raizel feels his relief like his own, when it's clear Raizel doesn't suffer from any side-effects of his long sleep. And when the questioning is done, Frankenstein offers him his hand to help him up, one he gladly takes, as his legs feel slightly too weak and lets himself be led to the bathroom for much needed refreshment. 

In the middle of his bath he's aware of M's aura entering the house and the slight tension leaves his shoulders. He hums quietly, closing his eyes and leaning back in the tub, warm and slightly scented water carresing his skin. His senses pick up on movements of others, but it's a nice buzz in the background. Raizel let's himself focus on M for a moment, the man currently in the kitchen and suddenly Raizel wishes to wander there. He opens his eyes just as Frankenstein walks in with fresh clothes and towels and gently inquiries about preparing tea, but he quietly refuses. Raizel thanks Frankenstein for his help and the man leaves the room with a slight bow and small grin, silent amusement blooming in Raizel's chest at the familiar gesture. 

It's late evening when he walks into the kitchen feeling much better after his rest, three days as Frankenstein explained, and first thing that he picks up before he sees the inside of the room is the smell. He's met with M's back as the man stirs something in the pot, tasting a bit with small dish, speaking under his breath. Raizel stands in the doorway for a moment, just taking in the view, and he'd be glad to do so for longer, unnoticed, if not for M's voice startling him out of his thoughts. 

“Are you going to go in, or what?” M asks with a slight gruff, part of his hair pulled back on top his head with small black clips, rest of it tied in short ponytail at his nape. Raizel blinks and steps in, holding in a smile, gaze straight on M in slightly stained pink apron, sleeves of white shirt rolled up to his elbows. M shifts and a bit of a blush stains his cheeks under Raizel's unashamed scrutiny, quickly looking Raizel up and down before he turns to the cooker, fiddling with burner switches under the pot he tends to. 

Raizel sits at the counter, just noticing the things laying there. Vegetables, eggs, bottles of soy-sauce, sesame-oil and other, packages of noodles. He tilts his head at the items, a question at the tip of his tongue, but M's faster with his own. 

“Are you feeling better?” He asks quietly, staring down at Raizel, standing just on the other side of the counter. 

“Yes,” Raizel shuts his mouth to keep rest of the words he'd like to say in. 

_I feel better talking with you, you willing to speak to me, not fleeing on sight._

M looks like he waits for Raizel to continue and he panics a little internally, not really knowing what to say to keep M's attention, so he blurts the first thing that comes to his mind, “What are you cooking?” 

M's grey brows come up at Raizel's rushed question, but he doesn't comment on the topic change, though Raizel notices his shoulders dropping before he straightens his back. 

“I thought I'll try making real ramen, not that instant thing you're so fond of. It's bad for health, you know,” M's smile is slightly crooked, pushing a tablet towards Raizel. Raizel glances at the screen, opened on the page with the recipe and touches the surface to scroll down, pictures of finished dish almost making his mouth water. They look much better than the instant stuff, he thinks, and voices his opinion as well.

“Of course it looks better, tastes as well,” M snorts and Raizel smiles at him, watching an answering teasing smile on M's face.

“Ah,” M's rests his hand at his nape, fidgeting slightly, “Do you want to taste the broth? It's cooking for few hours, so it should be almost ready.” 

Raizel nods with quiet “ _yes”_ and in a moment M whisks some of the hot soup onto the small dish. M's careful with holding it to Raizel, tips of their fingers brushing just so, but Raizel focuses on not spilling a drop. “It's hot,” M murmurs and Raizel nods, as he takes a whiff of the broth before taking a delicate sip. He lets the taste spread in his mouth before he swallows, aware of M's eyes on him, waiting for Raizel's opinion. His tongue darts out to lick his lips, crimson eyes glancing at M, M's eyes looking at Raizel's mouth. M quickly looks away, clearing his throat when he's caught staring.

“Well, what do you think?”

“It is different.”

M leans closer, hands on the counter. “Different how? Good? Bad?”

Raizel thinks for a moment, delicate wrinkle between his pulled brows, “Good. I didn't know it can taste so well.” His breath hitches at pleased look on M's face and he feels lighter, somehow. 

“Well, of course it's better when it's homemade,” M puffs his chest a little, leaning back with crossed arms.

“You want to help?” he asks and Raizel nods few times, silently excited at being included in the process. “You could cut some of these,” M gestures at mushrooms. Raizel nods again and a genuine smile slips on M's face, “Great, then I'll just put water to boil for eggs and noodles and I'll join you in chopping the rest of it.”

Raizel puts on the pink apron M offers him and gets to work, hands steady and careful with the knife, cutting vegetables into neat pieces. He finds it oddly relaxing, the sounds of them both busy with their tasks even if the silence keeps on stretching. It is slightly awkward, both of them not talking beside Raizel asking M about next step and M telling him what he could do. He's aware of M sending him glances now and then and he does the same, catching M smiling briefly few times.

The atmosphere would be much more uncomfortable if not for Raizel truly enjoying being in M's presence, picking on similar vibe coming from M. It feels good, working together like that and Raizel's chest feels lighter. He finds himself looking closely at M preparing the bowls with noodles and pouring the broth in, adding ingredients, offering Raizel to add his own decorations.

After few finishing touches M deems the ramen ready and Raizel stares at amazement at the bowl before him, all the pieces looking really tasty and aesthetically pleasing. Part of him doesn't want to destroy the view, displeased with disturbing the surface of the dish with chopstick and he rolls his lips with indecision. It smells and looks so good his stomach gnaws at him in weird hunger and he's slightly aware of M's quiet snort next to him. He glances at M, leaning back a little, the man looking at him almost fondly.

“Take a picture, it'll last longer,” he teases and startled chuckle leaves Raizel's throat, “I think I'll do just that,” he says taking out the phone from his trousers' pocket and snapping a picture of M leaning above his own steaming bowl, amused smirk on his face, hair still pulled back, pink apron on. M sputters a bit after he takes a picture, and a giddy feeling spreads in his chest at that, carefully taking a picture of the ramen bowl before him. M huffs but doesn't say anything, silently digging into his meal, slightly blowing at hot noodles before he eats them. Raizel hesitates for a moment before he does the same, sighing quietly when the taste takes over his mouth.

Instant ramen is ruined for him. He won't touch it anymore, he vows to himself and he's surprised at how fast the bottom of the bowl shows itself. Still, he puts down the chopsticks and spoon, turning to M, who's in the middle of his own meal. 

“Thank you M, it was delicious.”

M swallows portion of noodles, nodding, “You're welcome. Glad you liked it.”

Raizel hums, eyeing the ramen in M's bowl. “Do you think you could cook it again?” He asks hesitantly, not wishing for M to feel pressured, “Only when you'd want to, of course. I could help,” Raizel hurries to add, seeing M tilting his head as in thought.

“Well,” M puts down his spoon and looks at Raizel closely, “if you're offering to help, I could cook it again, sometime.”

Raizel's smile is small and he ducks his head down, looking at hands on his lap. His fingers itch to touch M, so close, warmth radiating from the man and he wants to feel his skin under his palms, but he can't do that. He can't shatter this delicate thing between them with selfish urges.

“Raizel,” he startles slightly at M's rough whisper, looking up, straight at stormy grey eyes. “We need to talk.”

Yes, they do, Raizel sighs internally, bracing himself, trying to ignore the lurking feeling of dread. He nods, looking back at M, “Here?”

M's smirk is quick to appear and vanish, “And risk someone walking on us?” M shakes his head, standing up and collecting their bowls. “I prefer doing it with no nosy third parties around.” Raizel blinks at M's quiet but harsh tone.

M loads the dishwasher and they clean up the kitchen, before they go to M's room. Raizel let him choose, thinking M would feel better in his own space.

For a moment, M's shifting as uncertain what to do, Raizel standing near closed doors, then he just takes deep breath and gestures to Raizel to take a sit, so he does. He leans back on the sofa, hands clasped on his lap, glancing around the room, pointedly not looking at M, giving him space to sort himself out. He's surprised when M sits near him, not close enough to touch but near him nevertheless and M's next words startle him even more.

“I'm sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of plot twist and cliffhanger? One thing you can be sure of this story is that I can't write angsty content for 10 chapters long before characters do something about it. (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ Comments are joy, I like hearing your opinion and talking with you, dear readers!


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